Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He? As in you personified your dick?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
