My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
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Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
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This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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