my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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