What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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