he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
