No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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