I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
love makes seman taste better
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
