Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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