I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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