$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
