Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
