this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
