Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
