So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
