threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
