it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
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I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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