you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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