I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
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I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
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I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
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