Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
We need to get me chipped asap
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
