In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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