Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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