Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
