It's like a parade of train wrecks.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
