I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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