capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
