I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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