One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
