so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
