Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
