Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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