drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
