We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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