It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
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All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
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Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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