member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
