Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
