I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
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After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
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I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
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