No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
