look no pants
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
