i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
