Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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