These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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