eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
