I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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