"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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