we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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