Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
