margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
