I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
