The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize