we should wear snuggies to the strip club
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
