I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
