Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
They took my balls.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
