but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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