I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
