I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
