Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
