I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
This house was built for laser tag.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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