A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
i think i just lost a toe
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
