I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
