dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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