textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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