i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
