Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
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