just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
