I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
