Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
