this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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