12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
