so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
